The Fake Ghost by Nuzo Onoh

Author:Nuzo Onoh [Onoh, Nuzo]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Dead Sky Publishing

POTUS reached for the remote control first thing after waking up in case something had been reported about his long call with the guy from The Great America News Inc. last night. It hadn’t been easy getting through on the international call with Frankie’s mobile until the president instructed him to ask for someone called Don and to tell Don, “The Donkeys are ready to fly.” POTUS was starting to discover that President King liked cryptic riddles, as if he were working on some WW2 Morse code.

The riddles obviously worked for the president because within minutes the guy, Don, was on the phone, and POTUS immediately set the mobile on speakerphone as instructed by President King. Soon, he was telling Don his story in its minutest detail, with the president hulked impatiently over him. But it wasn’t long before POTUS was asking the president to give him room, his teeth chattering and his fingers frozen by the iciness that permanently trailed the spectre. It was at times like this that he remembered he was dealing with a supernatural entity and experienced a return of unease.

The Great America News Inc. anchor, Don, kept asking him how he knew about the code, “The Donkeys are ready to fly.” Over and over, POTUS repeated that the president was by his side and had given him the information.

“If what you say is true, then ask the president where we were when we came up with that phrase… oh, and who else was with us at the time,” Don said, his voice hard. POTUS could imagine him viciously breaking several pencils in half as he spoke, half-smoked cigarette dangling by the side of his lips.

“Chubby-Chuck was with us at the back game room of Old Martha’s, you moron. And hey, just so you know, I plan on collecting my gold pen from you once I’m back, in case you think I’ve forgotten,” President King shouted into the mobile phone, even though nobody could hear him except POTUS.

By the time POTUS repeated the president’s words verbatim, Don was repeating, “Oh my God! Oh my God!” over and over till POTUS cut in and asked him if he was now ready to air the news.

Don was more than ready.

Just as the clock struck midnight on the ninth day of the president’s coma, The Great America News Inc. broke the highly redacted bulletin of the African POTUS under their “weird and funny” news section. The coverage also included a different story about a Native-American shaman in the Amazon jungles doing some secret rituals to figure out the ailing president’s chances of recovery, as well as Madam Lula’s goblin messages. The female presenter ended the segment by repeating the phrase, “Remember Belly-Berry” with a voice that was one-part humour, two-part snigger, and three-part unease.

Just as POTUS switched on the telly to check the news, his door opened, and Fat-arse Nurse waddled in with her sadistic silver tray, ready to deliver more early morning torture. POTUS slapped away her hand as she made to wash his groin in the detested bed wash routine.

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